Our Fragile Sense of Self: Overcoming Regret, Remorse, Bitterness, and Blame
Posted: Friday, August 27, 2010
by Paula Andrea
Cosmic Therapy
MODE of Cosmic Therapy: Conquering Separation Anxiety and Fear of Betrayal
The unpalatable truth remains; our sense of self is fragile. From the very beginning, we struggle to survive through whatever learned mechanisms we recognize as advantageous to secure our place. When we see an opportunity for gain, benefit or pleasurable sensation, at our disposal, we seize it. We do all we possibly can to protect, defend and procure our needs and desires. From infancy, throughout a very young age, we are not shy, nor inhibited, to reach for and demand objects that pacify.
In our human frailty's defense, I propose, we are in a strange place, doing strange things with strange people so no wonder we resort to unnatural behavior such as manipulating outcomes for benefit. We don't know who we are or what we're doing here so we quickly learn to improvise by emulating and imitating others. Though it never feels right or justified, we adjust to the uncomfortable feelings by turning up the voice of deserving to be treated better.'
Yes, our sense of self is, no doubt, fragile and we will go to great lengths to protect it at all costs. No matter what it does to us as sacred sensual artistic creatures. We learn to adjust to the numbed indifference and continue to smile bravely in denial. We hate the pretense; we despise the hypocrisy.
Can we remember when it all began? Or like a good dream which quickly vanishes before we can speak a word of semblance of its content, the memory of who we were before arrived here on earth has been diminished to the point of near oblivion. Carl G. Jung, early eminent psychologist , says we all draw from a collective unconsciousness of all that's gone on before us. Be that as it may, things are as there are regardless.
If we simply want to go as far back as drawing from the two relative parents who were responsible for comprising our DNA coded structured natures, we must admit, they too, didn't have a clue. But, merely had to fake it until they found what worked for them; then, proceeded from that uncertain point. Stumbling, hitting and missing, until they got to a place of some sort of relevant understanding of their fragile selvesor maybe not; passing what they had learned and believed onto us. Another view, may just be unconsciously intruded upon us.
Because we are propelled into this world to root, hog, or die' we form a 'clinging to life' vexation unconsciously. " Separation anxiety ' has already been indelibly imprinted due to the fact we didn't want to be separated form the warm conducive place we existed in prior to birth. We open our eyes to a world of extremes. Unmentionable chaos, noise, and irascible characters that are as afraid as we. They (parent or parents) try; they do the best they can with what they have. Some do better than others, or so it seems. But to no real avail; we are still lost in a new world of vicarious undertaking. One of which we must forge our own way. Once again, our fragile self is brought to the forefront; scared to pieces of the life-threatening possibility: what will happen to us?"
So, we cling. But, all along, we subconsciously resent that we must be dependent on our primary caretakers, for we must grow beyond the self-serving dependency in order for the fragile self to expand and discover its inherent strength. How do we resolve the constant ambiguity? By inventing games, so we can live with the guilt of lying and manipulating circumstances, compromising our integrity in order to stay satiated, while we perform acts of external entertainment to gain further favor.
Let us clarify, these instinctive drives are not unhealthy nor unholy but because the caretaker intrudes upon the child indiscriminately, in ignorance, no less, the child feels a certain allegiance to appease the 'support giver' at the expense of his/her own growing needs. But, to find self-supporting self-identity without identification will take a life of conquering harboring paranoia. Complicated assignment to be sure, but part of the sojourn on earth is to be able to rectify soul's intentional return, by inclusion of expansion and evolvement, to the divine source.
We walk through life projecting and transferring our repressed emotions on others because we can't deal with the underlying hostility of not being able to separate clean. (Whether from mother, father, boyfriend, lover, husband, mate, partner or friend) It's the same age old scenario: we want to separate and unite at the same time. We want to grow up but remain infantile in our demands and actions.
One, or the other, must suffer; usually our sense of self. In the birth process , in order to live, we must separate from the mother. But, in doing so, because the event is virtually so traumatic, we never get fully over it. We carry this underlying diffused ambiguity throughout life of wanting to live on our own terms, as a fully functioning individual, but at the same time, not wanting to break away from our mother in order to do so.
Every relationship is based upon these deeply ingrained emotional infantile experiences. Whether we interpreted our childhood as pleasant or unpleasant does not negate the separation anxiety that was naturally inflicted during the divisional birth process. In other words, our sense of self is highly vulnerable because of the separation anxiety induced. We fight to cling and fight to disconnect. We shall not even get into the area of how the mother adds to this complexity of fragileness with her own needs of dependency, clinginess and separation anxiety. And, on it goes and goes and goes.
In order for us to build, establish and maintain our own formidable productive sense of emancipated separateness and unrestrained identity we must be willing free the mother of any sense of wrong doing; whether that involved too much love, too little love or none at all. By doing so, we can unleash, the innate celestial force in a practical, applicable and self-sustaining positive way. We will unconditionally recognize and fully appreciate our temporary housing facility on earth as we were sojourned for a brief season in our mother's womb. We're all going home. We're all in this thing together.
No time for bruised egos, fragile sense of self and stationary harbingering grief. Let us all celebrate our arrival here and make the best trip back we can possibly dream up, imagine and execute. No lust of result involved, simply do it!
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