Existence: The Demon of JOY

Depicted in the shadows of a person's life, does existence reveal itself. Though his mouth may declare a disgusting dissatisfaction of his present circumstances, man is nonetheless responsible for the caustic world in which he inhabits. His thoughts, be they of 'good or bad measure', have provided him with the reality in which he resides. He wrestles with his own self-created demons. He battles continuously with raging ‘emotional' explosions of mind in realms that cannot be expressed verbally. {These mind induced demons are projected onto others that pepper his life} At the base of the insecurity/helplessness, he feels, but hides, is a constant expectation in and of others' ability to supply him with ‘things' (advantages) he angrily resents not being able to produce for himself. In more demeaning aggrandized private moments, he glamorizes his dreams or achievements but they are always less than what he desires and expects. He measures his success and competence by the standards set by society and/or comrades. He is in a perpetual state of uncertainty. He weighs the benefits of contemplated attempts that he ‘turns over in his mind' with the advantages and profits associated, comparing the idea of what normal ‘success' actually means. Then, with a clever undertaking of options, he studies the contrived effort and available energy needed to carry out the plan. The conquest of joy inspires him but deflates him at the same time.

Usually, because of this self-induced division, he remains paralyzed unable to act in any productive direction. Though he carries on conversations with others, he is really tallying up with himself, the thoughts of incalculable pre-plans he has neither formally settled nor dismissed. The emphasis is upon himself, repeating the word "I" numerous times throughout the day. He seeks support, validation, approval and inspiration from others before setting out. On occasion, he may even make a grand stage play for attention by letting his anger run away with him. But, the truth is he honestly doesn't care whatsoever about that particular subject of THIS TIME contention. He simply enjoys these epsoides of playing devil's advocate with himself and others repeatedly in continuous infuriating mind games. When he's agitated, bored and restless, the drama increases.

Incapable of accepting the reality in which he lives, he blames others for his despair. "There's gotta be more to life than this", he repeats over and over again, to the point of nausea. He wields an impressive image of triumph. {In the outer world} however, through the entire ordeal, he feels ever more empty and false for having had to display a counterfeit portion of his soul. What's worse than being phony? If he would but quiet himself, long enough, to see that his life is not robbed of any vital element necessary for the place in consciousness he is currently venturing, he would experience unutterable joy. The times in life when "nothing seems to be happening" or "none of it makes any sense" are those non-negotiable regulated sacred times when marvelous works of wonder are produced. Do not let yourself be carried away in ignorance by apparent contradictions. If you could produce soul-rendering stability, wouldn't you do it? Wait. Be still. It shall occur.

Don't be impatient with yourself. Be where YOUR Feet Are! What you are experiencing today will return again and again 100 times over. The fact is: "It don't get ‘NO' better than this. You are as happy and fulfilled as you will ever be". Does that depress you? Why? It should lighten the load you carry. Stop thinking you're missing out on something or that in time to come, things will improve. Afraid not. This is the ‘it' you're waiting and hoping for. Y-O-U are all the fabulous "it" there ever will arrive. Don't believe me? Then, watch the mighty murky surprises you rig up in the meantime.

You are immediately convicted when trying to prove yourself to be smart, clever, quick, witty or verbose. Desperately seeking a genuine emotion, you cry in vain while brandishing glittering tinsel in the place of authenticity in your relationships. The insistence to be ‘right' carries with it a weighted bone of contentious control. People are repelled. Events are marred, while relationships are crippled and deformed in the process of your trying to prove something. What is there to prove? How much you care? Ha. What a decent person you are. More ha! The moment you needed to prove such an outlandish egoistic trait, you did away with it. Instead of hiding from the truth of yourself, break open the jugs of self-deceit. Kick them to the curb. {After you have a hearty laugh} You are not good. "…None of us are good, except the father in heaven…" {paraphrased} You are human!!!

We are here on earth to experience what it feels like to be human. {In all of the travailing modes of creative expression.} What does that entail? Authentic JOY!!!!!!!!! Being Real! Accepting your lot; doing your thing to the best of your pleasure filled ability. Have fun. Enjoy your days. Cease with the mealy mouthed whiny piney tear stained pillow cases at night. Nothing is out of order. It's all RIGHT!!! You are incapable of picking apart what fits and what doesn't. A sacred divine arrangement is rectified and you can't touch it. No altering allowed. THIS is the life you chose. This is the life you have. This is the best life you could ever imagine. No kidding. This is no cosmic joke. You will not be left in the cold. {Unless that's a part of your deal and then that's only for a season} Existence is vitally alive and pulsating blood through the ground on which you walk. You are the ground on which you walk. You are not separate from any aspect of your everyday ramblings.

Did you actually believe you were someone ‘special' who deserved more than your share of the goods? Nope. You get what you get. You do what you do. You don't stop to pass go. You must play by the rules and you can't know beforehand what they are. One certainty: you are walking through this existence with death riding on your back. You can not escape that friend. To live fully, completely, passionately, unreservedly, you must make him your ally. Don't be afraid to go after your heart's grandest desires. IF the desire is in you, YOU are able to experience it. But, you must never say "I guess I'm not supposed to have it." Bullshit! The truth stands while the rest falls away. If you truly want it; it is yours already. However, there are a lot of things we THINK we want, but in reality nothing could be further from the "‘bones of our lions." Existence is not unfair. It delivers to you exactly and precisely what you desire above all else.

Pleasure is the name of our game as human beings. We seek pleasure {joy} above all else. And, try as we might, we think we must avoid pain. Not true. Pain hides the best of times. If we would invite the tragedies in, fling open the doorways of despair, conjure up the sacredness in loss and grief, throw away all caution to the wind in adversity, we will establish, maintain and execute a life filled with "…joy unspeakable and full of glory…" It's the Cosmic Truth of Existence.